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\n [MUSIC PLAYING]
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\n SPEAKER: Molly Seidel is one
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\n of only three American women
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\n to medal in the Olympics in one
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\n of the most brutal of events–
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\n the marathon.
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\n Perhaps what’s even more
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\n remarkable about Molly is
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\n her success in overcoming
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\n a series of mental health
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\n challenges.
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\n [MUSIC PLAYING]
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\n MOLLY SEIDEL: Having lived
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\n with various forms
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\n of neurodiversity and mental
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\n illness
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\n since basically childhood,
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\n I feel right now that I’m
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\n in a place where, obviously,
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\n with this kind of stuff,
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\n you’re never like, quote
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\n unquote, “cured,”
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\n but I feel in a much
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\n better and more stable place
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\n than I’ve been in a really
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\n long time due to taking
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\n a step back over this last year
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\n and really putting
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\n in the work and the time
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\n to focus on it.
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\n And I think that’s probably
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\n the most important part
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\n of dealing with these kinds
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\n of things.
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\n The funny and gnarly thing
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\n about any
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\n of these mental disorders
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\n and what I’ve experienced
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\n is that it almost seems
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\n like a game of whack-a-mole,
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\n that when you whack down one
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\n thing
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\n or when you feel that you’ve got
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\n a handle on one thing,
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\n it jumps to another thing.
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\n So when it’s not–
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\n when it’s not
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\n like obsessive restriction,
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\n it turns into bulimia.
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\n When you get rid of the bulimia,
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\n it turns into restriction again.
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\n Then that turned back
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\n into– it’s– that’s the
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\n frustrating part that if–
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\n and what it took me years
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\n to figure out that if you’re
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\n just trying to treat
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\n the symptoms
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\n and not addressing
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\n the underlying causes of some
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\n of these things, it will just
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\n tend to jump from diagnosis,
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\n to diagnosis, to diagnosis.
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\n And I got the–
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\n my two main diagnoses just are
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\n the ADHD and the OCD.
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\n Obviously, it was years apart
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\n for the two of those
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\n and it took longer to identify
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\n the ADHD.
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\n But it came with such a sense
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\n of relief and knowing of just
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\n like, oh, my God there’s
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\n a reason why I feel the way
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\n that I feel and maybe I’m not
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\n just thoroughly messed up
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\n and thoroughly a terrible person
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\n because your brain just works
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\n a little bit differently.
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\n And I think a lot of that came
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\n with a deep sense of shame
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\n for me.
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\n And that was the hardest part
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\n of just being I don’t know why
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\n my brain just can’t work the way
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\n that other people’s brains work.
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\n And especially– I think
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\n especially with the ADHD–
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\n the OCD was one because that was
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\n more of a pathology, kind
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\n of just being like, OK, this is
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\n something that I really need
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\n to work on and improve,
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\n this is a disorder.
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\n Whereas with the ADHD
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\n it came with this sense of just
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\n like, oh, my God,
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\n this makes so much sense.
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\n I think that was the most
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\n freeing thing and the thing that
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\n has gotten me to the place
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\n that I am now of being like,
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\n OK, there are specific lifestyle
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\n changes that I can make to make
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\n sure that my brain works
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\n optimally and then they worked.
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\n I wish that I had been more
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\n vocal about exactly how I was
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\n feeling earlier and it might
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\n have gotten to the solution
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\n a lot earlier.
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\n Because I think– especially
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\n as women, a lot of us
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\n are willing to almost like
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\n gaslight ourselves of just being
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\n like, oh, it’s not really that
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\n bad.
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\n And then you look objectively
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\n at it and you’re like,
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\n no, this is actually objectively
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\n pretty bad and there has to be
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\n a better way to live than this.
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\n I’m a pretty big nerd when it
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\n comes to this stuff,
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\n so I enjoy learning about it
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\n and I really enjoy trying–
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\n reading medical papers,
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\n trying to figure out stuff,
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\n doing my own research,
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\n especially
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\n as it comes to some
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\n of these alternative techniques
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\n for treating ADHD.
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\n So having a basic level
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\n of competence with that I think
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\n has really helped.
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\n But then I think just
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\n at this point,
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\n having been through pretty much
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\n the better part of–
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\n being through 10 years
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\n of working
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\n with different therapists
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\n pretty consistently,
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\n learning the dialogue,
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\n learning the–
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\n basically just getting a better
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\n understanding of how my brain
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\n works.
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\n And I think that ultimately is
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\n the point of therapy is learning
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\n to have a better relationship
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\n with your own brain
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\n and understanding the mechanisms
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\n by which your brain works.
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\n I think that’s been the most
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\n helpful thing to be able to be
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\n a little bit more confident
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\n and trust in myself to know
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\n the things that I need to be
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\n doing.
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\n And maybe some aspect of it is
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\n being able to take ownership
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\n of not just expecting that I’m
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\n going to go to a doctor
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\n and they’re going to give me
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\n a pill and that’s going to fix
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\n everything.
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\n [MUSIC PLAYING]
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